A few weeks ago I was treated with antibiotics for a Sinus Infection. No BIG DEAL, I can surely keep working out, training,stretching clients and teaching classes as normal – no slowing down for this seasoned fitness pro! I eat very clean, rest well, sleep soundly and stay hydrated so surely I will knock this illness out quickly. Period. The one thing I didn’t consider this time around is that I was under a tremendous amount of stress. Sending one off to college for his sophomore year, another child half way across the country to a private school – and secretly I was actually considering leaving everything here in Pennsylvania that I love and am committed too, family, career, clients and friendships to be with him for his senior year. He wanted me there in Minnesota, and the largest piece of my heart wanted to go. I trusted that I would return in 9 months and resume life here – after all being a mom is my number one priority. Abandon self for the betterment of my children has always been my motto – and that unconditional sacrifice has cost me greatly.
Circumstances have arisen that made me realize – I was meant to stay. The peace I once had in leaving was in a matter of minutes changed to the voice that said, “STAY what I am doing here in your life now is more important – and he is safe, loved and cared for – the most important thing is that he is there, and you are here.” The struggle in letting go of that deep desire to be with my son wasn’t easy and caused me such turmoil I couldn’t sleep and take care of myself as I know that I should. I believe that inner conflict is what disease and illness is birthed from, and unfortunately we too often ignore that conflict for years.
This weekend after trying to workout on Saturday afternoon I found myself having trouble breathing… surely I pushed through that workout but something I had been ignoring while trying to take care of everyone else around me started to be unearthed. I woke up the next morning wheezing, and having trouble walking. Seriously – what started out as something as minor as a sinus infection had turned into a secondary infection which was quite serious. I am fine – taking a host of prescribed meds which include antibiotics, steroids, inhalers and cough medicine.. and at the end of the day I will survive. My ego is a bit bruised that I have to literally lay down for a bit to recover – but it has inspired me to finally start writing on this beautiful blog!
So I find myself asking this question, “Why am I not leading the example that I preach to every client I have the blessing of working with?” I am such a passionate proponent of self care and rest in balance with working out and eating right – but didn’t listen to what my body was speaking to me, or more important what my mind and spirit were revealing. The heaviness of the sadness I was carrying I believe was the stress that brought this all on. I wrote in my journal, prayed and persisted in welcoming this new season of my life, but there was this underlying stress that still robbed me of sleeping through the night and slowing down a bit to feel it, grieve it and release it… I know better!!!!!
I just said goodbye to my boy, who leaves at 4 AM tomorrow to start the drive west to Alexandria, Minnesota. I was able to maintain my emotional dignity in saying our farewells and I smiled as he drove away. God has orchestrated each and every detail of his life and I can rest that although it didn’t look like I thought it would – we are both where we are supposed to be for a time such as this. There is freedom in that statement, a healthy recognition that all is well and I can be vulnerable in what will unfold now that I am staying put.
After spending 48 hours in bed I have decided that I would start immediately pursuing those things that I feel I am being led to do this year. This is the first.. write, write and write some more. I have this incredible Blog, which ironically, was completed while I was driving to Minnesota with my son a year ago! I sense this is one of the first steps in this new season, which is a part of self care in that I am honoring my desire to write and share all that I’ve learned in the 34 year journey of this amazing and abundant fitness career I have been so richly blessed with. It is so much more than health and wellness to me, I can’t separate the spiritual from the professional part of me. What I have found recently is that my clients love that I include that in our sessions. They appreciate my experiences and commitment to my faith and if there was ever a time we needed more of that – it is now.
If you want to join me on this adventure, sign up on the “Keep Up With Me” Tab! I promise I will make it a bit easier to stay connected to me! My hope for this Blog is that it will motivate and inspire you to live life fit – mind, body & spirit.